Sunday, December 03, 2006

Armed, dangerous...and HOT

I’m still in a “list” kind of mood from Tuesday’s post of overrated movies. So on a weekend when I just can’t seem to get excited or worked up about much of anything else, I’ve decided to share my personal list of Ten All-Time Favorite Armed and Dangerous Hotties from TV and movies, with no apologies for political incorrectness. Here's the list, in ascending order, from #10 to #1:

10: Gail (aka Rosario Dawson, Sin City). I was stunned recently to discover that Rosario Dawson, over whom I flipped in Sin City for her portrayal of Gail, Dwight’s Valkyrie and the head of Old Town’s warrior prostitutes, starred a few years ago in the insipid live-action movie version of Josie and the Pussycats. Now there’s an actress with real range!

9: Miho (aka Devon Aoki, Sin City). Silent and deadly, this petite, sword-swinging, swastika-throwing she-devil is my favorite character from the Sin City movie and from the original Frank Miller graphic novels.

8: Trinity (aka Carrie-Anne Moss, the Matrix trilogy). Trinity softened a bit too much for my liking as the Matrix films progressed, but this black-vinyl vixen overshadowed everything else in the first one (the only movie in the series that really mattered).

7: Eowyn (aka Miranda Otto, Lord of the Rings trilogy). So adorable and cuddly at first glance, once Eowyn donned a helmet and unsheathed a sword, she kicked orc butt royally (as she should have, as niece of Rohan’s late king). Miranda Otto is a real highlight in the Jackson films.

6: Nikita (aka Peta Wilson, La Femme Nikita). A few years before they launched 24, the creators of Jack Bauer brought their own unique vision to a weekly TV series based loosely on Luc Besson’s 1990 movie La Femme Nikita. It ran on the USA Network for four full seasons and a very short fifth, and it starred Peta Wilson, whose babeability increases with the addition of each piece of killer weaponry. I own all five seasons on DVD and typically watch a few episodes every month or so.

5: Sarah Connor (aka Linda Hamilton, Terminator and T2). Do I really have to sing the praises of Sarah Connor here? Doesn’t it go without saying?

4: Maggie (aka Bridget Fonda, Point of No Return). Here’s something few people know about me: I’m absolutely ga-ga over Bridget Fonda. Always have been. And her portrayal of Maggie, an Americanized “Nikita” in the 1993 remake of Besson’s La Femme Nikita, places her near the top of my pantheon of action hotties. Point of No Return has been widely criticized as a weak remake. As Grandma used to say, pish-tosh. Few things are more exciting than watching Bridget Fonda dive down a laundry chute and come up with her guns blazing.

3: Violet Song jat Shariff (aka Milla Jovovich, Ultraviolet). Now it can be told. As one of three judges in 2006’s Hardy Awards for best freedom-oriented films, I alone was responsible for bestowing an award on Milla Jovovich for Hottest Freedom Fighter (Male Perspective). Yeah, it was me. Big surprise. Any regular reader of this blog knows I not only adored Milla in this year’s Ultraviolet but that I generally adore her in any role she plays.

2: Emma Peel (aka Diana Rigg, The Avengers). When I was in the seventh grade, I had two passions. The second one was Colleen, a dark-eyed, raven-haired sixth-grader with pouty lips who hung out with my sister. The first was Emma Peel. I can pinpoint the when and where of my first Mrs. Peel sighting: April 1966, age 11, in a San Francisco hotel room. I was vacationing with my parents, the TV was tuned to ABC, and there stood the leather-clad, martial arts goodness that was Diana Rigg. I was smitten immediately. When Emma finally said bye-bye to Steed during my eighth-grade year, my withdrawals were profound. Remember, we didn’t have VCRs way back then. I didn’t see Mrs. Peel again for, oh, almost 30 years. Now, though, I’m the proud owner of all 51 Avengers episodes that make up the 17-DVD Complete Emma Peel Megaset Collector’s Edition. Emma Peel marathons are not uncommon in this house.

And finally (drumroll, please)...

1: Beatrix Kiddo (aka Uma Thurman, the Kill Bill saga). Thurman’s Beatrix Kiddo (aka Black Mamba, aka The Bride) is, hands down, the ultimate armed and dangerous babe. No one else comes close. She could probably wipe the floor with all nine of the above ladies. The folks at Wizard magazine described Kiddo as a “bloody tidal wave of vengeance ... a master of multiple martial arts disciplines, skilled with every weapon known to man (or woman) and capable of surviving everything from a point-blank rock-salt shotgun blast to a samurai sword stroke across the back to strangulation with a lethal mace to burial alive.” Uma rocks mercilessly in both halves of Tarantino’s Kill Bill epic, the greatest revenge movie of all time and maybe the greatest action movie since The Good, the Bad and the Ugly. Sometimes, on a quiet Sunday afternoon, there’s nothing quite as satisfying as watching Uma slash her way through the Crazy 88s at the House of Blue Leaves. Even when she’s drenched in the blood of her enemies, I find her irresistible.


At 12:48 PM, Blogger Reel Fanatic said...

Great stuff ... but no love for the original Nikita? I can't remember the name of the French actress who played her in Luc Besson's movie, which is a shame, because she was just smokin hot

At 1:00 PM, Blogger Wally Conger said...

The French actress was Anne Parillaud...and you're right, she's smokin'!

At 5:04 AM, Anonymous bwrmontag said...

You can't have Emma, she's mine I tell ya, all mine!!!

At 7:57 PM, Anonymous Jane Shaffer said...

Wally, I didn't know you were a Milla fan. At a very young age she did a film for Disney Channel, "Night Train to Kathmandu" (1988). Working in PR there, I got to accompany her on a photo shoot. She and her mother were both very beautiful. I believe her mother had been an actress in Russia.

Cousin Jane [Shaffer]


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