We survive yard furniture assembly

It’s great to have newly landscaped, drought-resistant front and back yards. It’s fantastic that our new drip system works properly. But please oh please, save me from yard furniture assembly!

This past weekend, Deb and I spent almost five hours piecing together two glider chairs and a small attached table. I knew there’d be hundreds of parts, some of them teeny-tiny, by the size of the box the item came packaged in. But even after decades of miserably building furniture and bicycles and shelving from Japanese instructions with poor diagrams, we began this project, as always, optimistic that this time, everything would snap together without a hitch. Well, as I said before, it took five goddamn hours, and none of them particularly strengthened our marriage. But now we have a nice, comfortable “Glider Tete-a-Tete” tucked into a cozy, shaded corner of our back yard — a wonderful spot for book-reading, beer-guzzling, and ceegar-smoking.

Then, this morning, a delivery truck pulled up to drop off our new backyard dining set — one round table with a glass top and four swivel rockers, all disassembled. After pulling all the pieces out of two massive boxes, Deb and I looked at each other and shook our heads simultaneously. Not today.